I’ve mentioned before I believe boys and girls were created differently for a reason. In general, boys are meant to lead. Because of this they were created with a few…trying…character traits.
- Endless energy
- Stubbornness
- Bossiness
- Curiosity
- Adventurousness
- Hot-headed-ness
Can I get an amen? Because of these character traits our boys can be hard to control. Many times parents and children end up locked in a battle of wills, one demanding respect, the other asserting their independence. Sadly, if this dynamic isn’t broken it will continue into the teen years, often with devastating results. So let us ask ourselves.
Do we really want to control our children?
I think not, not exactly. When I think of control I think of force, the breaking of spirits, the breakdown of natural God-given traits. As maddening as they can be at times, He gave those character traits to our children for a reason.
- Endless energy = Stamina
- Stubbornness = Loyalty and Commitment
- Bossiness = Leadership
- Curiosity = Knowledge
- Adventurousness = Trail Blazer
- Hot-headedness = Decision Maker
From that belief comes my philosophy of “Bend It, Don’t Break It”. We want to bend our children to the will of the Father, not break the unique spirit they were given. This is not a license for disrespect or disobedience. This is instilling in our children the ability to use their gifts in a positive way. The desire of my heart is to teach my children to channel their energy into efforts that are pleasing to Him. It’s not an easy task. But it is possible.
How do you encourage your children to obey while keeping their spiritual gifts intact?
Cheryl homeschools four boys and is the founder of The 2:1 Conference. She blogs about her faith and homeschooling adventures at Somewhat Crunchy.
Great post! It’s such a delicate balance. I’m still learning, that’s for sure.
Love the “bend it, don’t break” it philosophy.
I’m so glad you enjoy it. I’m finding I have to rely on this rule more and more as we navigate the teen years
When my son was really little, his emerging personality was a little more than I could handle. He was/is soooo strong willed. An older mom with sons of her own, taught me to see his strong-will as strength of character. She said that if I teach him the truth while he is young no one will change his mind – that he could be a world changer. I have always thought of that as I mold/teach/discipline our kids. I don’t want to break them. I just want them to use their forces for good and not evil!
Amen to that – it all comes down to the truth. Train them up in the way they *should* go (doesn’t mean they always will) and when they are old they will not depart from it. I cling to that promise.
Love the “bend” concept! I’ve got a girl, but I can so relate to this. I’ve read all the strong-willed stuff, and the fact is being strong-willed isn’t “bad” – I LOVE having a daughter who is going to rock her world. It drives me nuts when people suggest breaking her will.
I’m reminded of the scriptural mandate for children to obey their parents “in the Lord.” So often I am not “in the Lord” – I give orders or say “no” because I’m tired, didn’t plan well, just don’t feel like dealing with something, am not seeing my daughter through Jesus’ eyes, etc. etc. I think obedience starts with me.
And ultimately, my goal is to nurture a relationship between my daughter and Jesus, so when she does obey me, it’s not in subservience to my will, but “in the Lord.” I think He can motivate obedience more effectively than I can.
Still working on the practicalities of this, of course!
That is AWESOME-I want to pain that in big letters across my wall! “Bend it don’t break it!”
Sometimes I feel like I miss the parenting mark, one day I’m too strict, the next too lenient-it’s a fine line to walk. My youngest is very strong-willed, after having such a laid back firstborn, he is quite the challenge!